Little Hoff Pregnancy Post Week 1

I am writing this right now knowing that someday I will post it. Someday when we have told everyone our very exciting news and when I am ready for it to be on the Internet for everyone to see. When the news is out there not to be taken back. At this point I am still guarding this secret, and I'm struggling with why I'm not ready to shout from the rooftop that I AM PREGNANT!!!

I would like to think I am protecting the baby from all the what-ifs. What if we tell everyone, then something happens. But a bigger part of me, is afraid of all that is to come. I'm not sure about this.....

Farmboy and I had decided a year and half ago that we were ready to start a family. Then 7 months later we decided that we really WAS ready to start a family. But then once again we took the route that if it happens it happens, if not then God wasn't ready for us to be parents. Then other friends/family members were getting pregnant and we were thinking why not us? But we trudged through and kept going, then month after month would go by and nothing.  Then I finally got discouraged enough to actually do some research online and came across a highly recommended book called "Take Control of your Fertility" I bought it and started reading it, and figured out that my body might not be "normal" (shock! I know) but every woman is different when it comes to her peak ovulation time, and what the "normal" charts say is my peak time might not actually be. So I started tuning into other indicators of my body telling me that it was time and within a month, I am sitting here writing some very personal feelings of a hormonal woman.

So let's fast forward to the present. In March I waited and waited and I never got that monthly visit, so I started getting excited, but then I was afraid to get to excited cause what if..... My family has had some fertility issues and I did not want to go through all that, so I was not allowing myself to just simply think that I could be pregnant. It could not be that easy, really a month? That is all it could take. NO, not that easy. So when my usual 10 day wait period was up and I normally took a test, it was the weekend we went away to Branson and I suggested that we could and celebrate, but Farmboy was just as skeptical as I was and didn't want a negative to ruin our weekend so he said no. So then another week went by and another week and I'm doing more and more research online about possible early pregnancy indicators and feeling like there is no way that I am pregnant. Out of 20 possible indicators I had one! So I just kept waiting, Finally towards the end of March I decided that the consist waiting was not worth it and I was going to take my test and either way I would know. So I got home from Book Club  Monday night (March 28th) and told Farmboy that I bought a test and he told me I should take it. So with his encouragement I did and...............

I cried....I just stood there and cried. I am hoping they were tears of joy, but were they tears of relief, just knowing the truth? Farmboy came in and he was sooo excited and that made me happy to see his excitement. He then went to the computer and looked the gestation period of a cow and figured up my due date. Because yes,all Farmboy knows is cattle, and now that I am officially a cow I have made my husband proud. Technically I will be a late fall calver. (9 months of being compared to a cow? I can not wait)

So that is the background of where I am now. My hopes through this pregnancy is that I will update weekly on the happenings of me. Very exciting stuff I am sure. I am not a very bashful person (as this post has probably already convened) so I will try to maintain a level of dignity while expressing what is going on with me.

This would be week one of my Little Hoff postings. Take pregnancy test- check! Find doctor - Check! Make appointment with doctor - Check! Stay tuned.....

PS -

I cannot help but truly see God's hand in this miracle. I didn't realize how everything had to be just right to be able to conceive. I can now see how many women have problems with getting pregnant. Growing up you learn that you have a woman and a man and they make a baby. It is NOT that easy sometimes. So along with the simple miracle of a baby the timing is unreal. My brother and sister-in-law have had some problems and not been able to have a baby, so they turned to adoption and received the two most beautiful girls on February 17th. This is where God is always SO Good. All along while trying to get pregnant as I was praying for us, I was equally praying that God would bless my brother and sis-in-law with a baby. I didn't want to be the pregnant sister-in-law while knowing that they were trying so hard for a baby. But God fulfilled his promise and like I said, on February 17th they received two gifts from God and that weakened is when *ahem* *cough, cough* we got pregnant. Like I said, try to maintain dignity. I was just blown away about how God does have a plan and how he consistently shows his love for all of us. All in his timing, not ours.

PPS -
 I know there is probably some things in this post that were probably too personal to share. But I am just journaling my thoughts and feelings of what is a very special and important part in my life. This is not necessarily for other people, but for me to look back and remember what I was going through. This is my disclaimer.